As the lynchpin of one of the greatest bands of our generation, Oasis, and a solo star in his own right, Noel Gallagher’s is truly one of British music’s national treasures. Aside from the knockout tunes, he’s also one of the funniest men around!
To celebrate Noel’s appearance at the SSE Hydro on Tuesday 8th December for our sister station Clyde 1, we proudly present 20 of his funniest quotes ever!
1. On the drawbacks of fame: “I bought a really nice jacket in Japan, and in this massive swirl of people, someone with a pen scribbled on my jacket. It’s f***ing ruined. So that’s the downside of fame. But otherwise it’s great.”
2. On his younger brother Liam: “He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
3. Noel’s recipe for success: “All I ever wanted to do was make a record. Here’s what you do: you pick up your guitar, you rip a few people’s tune’s off, you swap them round a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells. I’m a lucky b******. I’m probably the single most lucky man in the world.”
4. Noel’s worst possible torment: “Being sat beside Liam on a 15-hour flight. It happened just the once, going to Japan or somewhere. It's just horrible.”
5. On meeting Tony Blair at 10 Downing Street: “I don't have a crystal ball. I didn't see he was going to turn into a ****. I was 30, off me head, and everyone telling me we were the greatest band since who knows. Then the prime minister invites you round for a glass of wine. It all becomes part of the high.”
6. On his rivals being credible: "Jack White has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He's supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking... I'm not having that.”
7. On achieving greatness: “Just because you sell lots of records it doesn’t mean to say you’re any good. Look at Phil Collins.”
8. On being a roadie for the Inspiral Carpets: “I look back on those days as some of the best of my life. No photographs, no interviews. Just get up in the morning, make sure the gear works, do the gig and then ****ing party.”
9. On wasting money: “I had built for me a customized 1967 Mark II Jaguar convertible at a cost of £110,000, and I haven’t got a driving license. It’s useless to me.”
10. On what he’d like to happen at his funeral: “I'm not really bothered 'cause I won't be there. I don't give a s***.”
11. On Oasis (speaking in 1997): “We’re not arrogant. We just believe we’re the best band in the world.”
12. On his peak fame in the 1990s: "Look. I was a superhero in the '90s. I said so at the time. McCartney, Weller, Townshend, Richards, my first album is better than all their first albums. Even they'd admit that.”
13. On losing his privacy: “This guy came up to me from some band and he said that ‘Man, I’d hate to be you right now, no privacy at all’ and I was thinking, ‘Sure thing man, I have a Rolls Royce, a million dollars in the bank, a mansion and my own jet and you think you’d feel sorry for me? What are you? I’d hate to be you, broke as hell living in the dole.'”
14. On social media: “I’m not a tweeter. Stuff like, ‘Oh I’m going for a shower,’ great. ‘I slept in again, bugger.’ Life’s too short for that kind of thing.I think those things like Facebook and twitter and stuff were started with the best of intentions… but as with everything celebrities get involved and destroy it.”
15. On space travel: "If I ever get to go to the moon, I’ll probably just stand on the moon and go 'hmmm, yeah... fair enough... gotta go home now.’"
16. On Australia’s most famous soap star turned pop singer: "Kylie Minogue is just a demonic little idiot as far as I’m concerned."
17. On his purchases compared to his brother’s: “Liam got a Rolex. I got a Rolls Royce. Which is brilliant, cos I can’t drive and Liam can’t tell the time.”
18. On meeting his idol Paul McCartney: “I went to Paul McCartney’s daughter Stella’s party and who should open the door but the man himself. He was dead cool. There were all these questions I wanted to ask him but I settled on, ‘Do you watch Brookside?'”
19. On being criticised for wearing sunglasses indoors: “Well it’s in the manual isn’t it. It actually says in the rock star book ‘Thou shalt wear shades at all times, preferably indoors'”
20. On slamming other pop stars in interviews: “People think (I’m) controversial for the answers I give to silly questions in interviews, but if somebody asks me what I think about Robbie Williams or Madonna, I’m not thinking about insulting those people; I say what I genuinely feel is in my heart. My conscience is clean, d’you know what I mean? Y’know, I’m true to myself — f*** everybody else.”
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds will appear alongside Stereophonics, Kodaline, Foxes and Tom Odell at Clyde 1 Live at Glasgow SECC on Tuesday 8th December!
Tickets to Clyde 1 Live are on sale now! CLICK HERE to buy yours.